You Know You're a Psycho When...

You Know You're a Psycho When...

9/14/2014

 

I like to think I’m a good person deserving of a healthy relationship.  I care for people and help when I can.  I have a good heart and I give my all in everything I do.  I’ve deducted that my personality type makes me a bit of a magnet for damaged people.

Let’s face it, we’re all a little damaged, or have a bit of luggage we drag behind. I mean to identify the supremely impaired, those who qualify as potentially in need of medicated balance.  Of course the medium in which I have met these people may be a part of the problem.  Online.  I can hear your cringe as though it were an audible thing.

Being a single working mom of two kids who are better known as the cutest ever energy and patience siphons leave little time for me to do much of anything. Some days I find that I’m lucky to have made it out of bed in the morning.  Online dating is a quick and easy way to meet and filter through interesting people who might have a mutual interest in me. 

 Unfortunately, each one of those stories ends badly, but they make for entertaining tales.

I’ve found that the vast majority of the men interested in a plus sized, 5'11'' tall single mother of two who prioritizes her kids and her education are married and looking for a mistress or a one night stand.  Those far older, far shorter, and far from having the ability to engage in quality conversation are a group that falls into a close second. 

There is a growing percent of those who are perpetually seeking relationships and are actually able to manage multiple partners under the guise that they are exclusive and committed. I have been subject to this twice. Eagerly following the well intentioned courtship only to find that once I’m committed to the relationship and have disabled my online account, theirs is later updated and fully active. Forgive for my confusion, but by definition committed established relationship demands monogamy, not “committed but only on Fridays.”

Then lastly we have the psycho.  I know it’s a grossly overused term, but rest assured, it’s warranted. Somehow he managed to work his way in, seemingly unassuming, with his mild charm, a dash of humor and well placed cleverness. We chatted for roughly two weeks.  Thankfully he asked me if I minded that he carries a concealed weapon. I made sure to be honest and tell him that I’m not comfortable around firearms.  Simply because I’ve not been exposed to them and consider myself to be rather clumsy.  I held firm to my conviction that it would just not be safe. He responded that he respected that, and I returned my appreciation for his comment.

Then he shared with me that he was furious his unemployment was not expected to come in until the 22^nd of the month.  He was even more upset that he’d blown his severance pay at not just one casino, but every casino in or around the east valley.  He had also gone to Prescott’s casino.  While I was in no position to judge him, the red flags waving in my face prevented me from sympathizing with him.  He had just moved in with his father with his three children.  I messaged him less and he contacted me more. 

One particular conversation stands out. He questioned me as if in an interview. 

 

The next few days became busy for me and I responded less and less. His messages began to fluctuate tremendously. I thought it best to wait until after my late night class to respond and finally decided I wouldn’t respond at all. 

Finally I decided it’d be best to ask him to stop texting me. His response was immediate and explosive.

Thankfully I’ve not heard any more from him, but I won’t say the experience hasn’t left me feeling a little more cautious and a little more aware. There really are people like that out there, and they carry firearms.